Classification of Computers
January 26, 2012 | 
Author Computers are available in different shapes, sizes and weights, due to these different shapes and sizes they perform different sorts of jobs from one another.
They can also be classified in different ways. All the computers are designed by the qualified computer architectures that design these machines as their requirements.
A computer that is used in a home differs in size and shape from the computer being used in a hospital. Computers act as a server in large buildings, while the computer also differs in size and shape performing its job as a weather forecaster.
A student carrying a laptop with him to his college is different in shape and size from all the computers mentioned above.
Here we are going to introduce different classifications of computers one by one. We will discuss what are in classifications and what job they perform.
Super computer
The biggest in size, the most expensive in price than any other is classified and known as super computer. It can process trillions of instructions in seconds. This computer is not used as a PC in a home neither by a student in a college.
Governments specially use this type of computer for their different calculations and heavy jobs. Different industries also use this huge computer for designing their products.
In most of the Hollywood’s movies it is used for animation purposes. This kind of computer is also helpful for forecasting weather reports worldwide.
Mainframes
Another giant in computers after the super computer is Mainframe, which can also process millions of instruction per second and capable of accessing billions of data.
This computer is commonly used in big hospitals, air line reservations companies, and many other huge companies prefer mainframe because of its capability of retrieving data on a huge basis.
This is normally to expensive and out of reach from a salary-based person who wants a computer for his home.
This kind of computer can cost up to thousands of dollars.
Minicomputer
This computer is next in he line but less offers less than mainframe in work and performance. These are the computers, which are mostly preferred by the small type of business personals, colleges, etc.
Personal computers
Almost all the computer users are familiar with the personal computers. They normally know what the personal computer is and what are its functions.
This is the computer mostly preferred by the home users. These computers are lesser in cost than the computers given above and also, small in size; they are also called PCs in short for Personal computers.
This computer is small in size and you can easily arrange it to fit in your single bedroom with its all accommodation. Today this is thought to be the most popular computer in all.
Notebook computers
Having a small size and low weight the notebook is easy to carry to anywhere. A student can take it with him/her to his/her school in his/her bag with his/her book.
This is easy to carry around and preferred by students and business people to meet their assignments and other necessary tasks.
The approach of this computer is also the same as the Personal computer. It can store the same amount of data and having a memory of the same size as that of a personal computer. One can say that it is the replacement of personal desktop computer.
This is one of the unique articles posted weekly on http://www.computer-and-printer-reviews.com.
How to Fix Scratched PS2 Games
Even though the PS3 is quickly becoming popular, many of us have decided to stick to the PS2. There are more games, cheaper products, and more options for purchase. Heck, you can even download PS2 games on the internet. Of course, these games are going to get a lot of use (because they’re awesome!) and eventually you are going to want to know how to fix scratched PS2 games. This article will help.
Is it scratched or just dirty?
Sometimes the problem with our game is not a scratch. Really, the PS2 will read a lot of games with shallow scratches but it really has a problem with caked-on gook. Try cleaning the disc before you attempt to fix the scratch (or you might do work harm than is necessary).
It’s scratched! How do you fix it?
It’s actually really easy to fix scratched PS2 games. This is what you need.
Baking Soda Toothpaste
a Lint-free cloth (an eyeglasses cloth is perfect)
Before you start you should know that it is not a good idea to wipe your disc in circles. Unlike old LPs (where you had to follow the groove), PS2 Games should be rubbed from the center straight to the outside edge. Wiping in circles does more damage and you want to avoid that.
5 Simple steps to fix scratched PS2 games
Put a little warm water on the disc.
apply a little toothpaste to your cloth
rub (as directed) over the scratched area and around it. If you have a lot of scratches then you should do the whole disc. 10-15 swipes from inside to out should do the trick.
rinse the toothpaste off
allow the disc to air dry
See? It’s not hard to fix scratched PS2 Games at all. There is one problem to this method though; You can do it too often. Realize that you are grinding down the plastic surface around the crack to make the PS2 think it’s shallow. If you do it too often then you will have no plastic buffer left and the foil data layer will get destroyed. For serious problems (or repeated damage) your best bet is to resurface the disc.
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How To Remove One Operating System from a Dual Boot Windows XP Computer
In Windows Xp, you can install two operating systems on the same hard disk of one computer.
Whether you have two copies of Windows Xp, or two different operating systems, then you end up with dual boot machine when you restart your Windows Xp computer.
Dual boot means, the system will give you a choice of two operating system. For example, if you have two Windows Xp copies A ans B, the prompt will offer you to choose A or B to boot from.
Also, dual boot machine can be used to have Windows Xp, and Linux O.S. installed on the same computer.
In the case where you have two windows Xp copies on the same hard disk, you will experience a slow performance in your system.
If you need to delete one Windows Xp copies, and leave only one, here is how you do it:
When you restart your system, and you get a choice of two operating systems, you should choose the one you want to keep installed on your machine.
Once the startup process is done, and your computer is ready to accept tasks to perform certain functions, you click on the “My Computer” icon and locate the hard disks, removable storage devices, and more.
In the hard disk box you should see two drive icons, like “C”, “D”. If the copy you installed later need to be cancelled, it must reside on the “D” part of the hard disk.
This is because the “C” is where you initial copy of the Windows Xp resides, and it is the one you want to keep installed as the only copy on your computer.
The way you should get rid of the “D” copy is to format the “D” part of the hard disk. just right click it, and choose format. This will delete the Windows Xp copy you don’t need.
In summary, you can have two operating systems installed on your windows Xp machine, which will offer a choice of loading one of two operating systems.
The good thing is that you can cancel one, and leave the other, and your computer keeps running.
Top 10 Jobs For Ex Felons
Getting a job with a felony on your record can be very difficult, as you probably already know. Jobs for felons are difficult to get, and most companies wont hire a felon. The ones that do generally don’t pay very well. I have compiled a list of the top 10 jobs for felons. Helpful tip: if your felony is over 7 years old, most states dont allow background checks to go back that far. If your state has this law, you can answer ‘no’ on an application.
Top 10 List
#10 Job – UPS Delivery Driver
UPS has been known to hire felons. They have moderate salaries and is a stable job to have.
#9 Job – Join the army
The army accepts people with criminal backgrounds, depending on the crime. Contact a recruiter to see if you qualify to join.
#8 Job – Truck driver
Many trucking companies are willing to hire felons. Most likely you will need to obtain a trucking license.
#7 Job – Start your own business
You can start your own business. One idea is to go to school to be a locksmith, and start your own company. Also consider getting a barber license.
#6 Job – Telephone Customer Service
Many companies are willing to hire felons for over the phone customer service, because you aren’t dealing with the people in person.
#5 Job – Temp Agency
Temp agencies can occasionally find good work for you. Many times it will be day labor, so be in good physical shape.
#4 Job – Family business
See if you can work in a family or friend’s business. They will be happy to hire you if you are willing to work hard. They will probably be glad to help you get back on your feet.
#3 Job – Independent Contractor
Many people will still use your services as long as you get the job done. If you work hard, it doesn’t matter that you have a felony on your record.
#2 Job – Privately owned small businesses
Some chain businesses have rules against accepting felons. Small business owners are more likely to accept you. They will take more of a ‘risk’ in hiring employees, and you can be more personal with the business owner.
—> #1 Recommended Job – Online GPT Services
This is the best job for a felon, because it requires no screenings whether it be background checks, drug tests, etc. Everyone is accepted, and you work on your own time and you can work as much or as little as you want. Online ‘GPT’ or “Get-Paid-To” services offer a great way to make a few hundred dollars a month without spending a lot of time working. There are many GPT services available, some better then others. My experience with GPT services has been a great one, and I recommend this as the best job in my list of Top 10 Jobs for Felons.
Is it Possible to Retrieve Deleted Text Messages? – How to Go About Retrieving Deleted Text Messages
Are wondering whether you can retrieve deleted SMS? Need to know is It possible to retrieve deleted text messages? If so then you’re in the right place as in this article I will show exactly how to go about retrieving deleted text messages. So keep reading to learn how to get your lost SMS’s and other Sim Card Data back.
Firstly let me explain how it is possible to retrieve deleted text messages. You see a Sim card doesn’t immediately erase a file once you delete it. Instead it just frees up the space that was occupied by that file (massage) and lists its space as available re-usable space. However until that space is overwritten by new data, in your case new messages, phone numbers etc., your old deleted file is still there and can be recovered.
Now in order to get the deleted messages back you are going to need two tools. One of them is a USB Sim card reader and the other is a decent Sim Card recovery program.
Sim card recovery programs are very similar to Data recovery software but they are designed specifically for recovering data from Sim Cards. They are able to recover deleted text messages, deleted phone numbers, call logs and plenty of other deleted data from your SIM, and they can do it all at the click of a few buttons.
The good news is that most of these programs offer a free trial version for download, so you can check to see what messages are retrievable right now.
Therefore if you were wondering is it possible to retrieve deleted text messages then wonder no more as it can easily be done with the right tools. If you have a USB SIM card reader and a good SIM Recovery Program then Retrieving Deleted Text Messages should be a walk I the park. Visit the link below to learn more about recovering deleted text messages and to download some Free Software…
The Best Business Laptop For Your Company
The little notebook computer or laptop is tailor made for business.
It’s the perfect communication tool. It’s the perfect record keeping
tool. It’s the perfect presentation tool. And if that wasn’t enough,
all of the above is neatly packaged into a small portable machine
that can be taken anywhere and everywhere.
For any size business, small to medium to jumbo, the notebook
computer is fast becoming an essential tool for business.
Savvy business people know acquiring the right tools is an important
factor in determining the success or profitability of any company.
Therefore, along with the regular outfitting of your company or
business – equal consideration should be given to choosing your
notebook computers.
Business owners should be aware that notebook technology is changing at
a blistering pace. Every two years or so, there is a whole new generation
of notebooks and notebook technology to consider. Notebooks are getting
smaller, faster, and better connected. They are also offering performance that
is matching or almost matching their desktop rivals.
Major reasons why, for the first time in history, notebook computers
are outselling their bigger cousins, desktop computers. Business
buying, no doubt, plays a significant role in all those sales. Large
corporate organizations are buying notebooks for their companies, sales
people and employees. It makes for a more competitive company in a very
competitive world.
But how do you pick a good business notebook computer? What’s the criteria
for judging a good machine? What’s the right laptop or notebook for your
company or sales staff?
Here are some important factors any business should consider when buying
a notebook computer or laptop for their company. General factors that
determine a good business notebook. Consider these…
Portability
Perhaps, the most significant factor and the main reason you’re buying
a notebook computer is portability. You can take it anywhere. You can
take your records, reports, presentations or products where ever they
need to be. For the business traveler or ‘road warrior’, the notebook
computer is an essential tool for their business.
When buying their notebook of choice, these ‘road warriors’ look
at the portability of their notebook. Size and weight are very
important. They want something that’s light and small, yet powerful
enough to do the job. They will probably look in the Ultra-Portable and
Thin and Light classes of notebooks to make their choice.
Notebooks in those categories are usually well under 5 pounds, around
10 by 14 inches in size and approximately an inch thick. Small enough
to throw in a briefcase or tuck comfortably under your arm. They won’t
drain your energy even if you have to lug it around all day!
Battery Life
You also have to look for a notebook computer that will last long
enough to get the job done. You want sufficient battery life for those
long plane trips. Fortunately, battery life is increasing, you can now get
up to 5 or more hours on high quality notebooks. Buy the highest
numbered cell battery, and buy any optional built-in battery extras
that will increase battery life.
Connectivity
You want something that’s easy to connect to the Internet
so connectivity is another important factor. Being in constant
contact with all your employees can be a determining factor in your
choice of notebooks. Communication is vital. Most high quality
notebooks come with Wi-Fi (Wireless Fidelity) connections,
many have a tri-mode 802.11a/b/g wireless system.
Some newer models, like the Sony’s New Ultra-Portable VAIO VGN-T350P,
are raising the bar, it has the world’s first ‘Built-in Cellular
Modem’. You can use your cell phone to connect to the Internet. This may
be a great advantage since finding a ‘Hot Spot’ in some parts of the world
can still be difficult.
Performance
You need to consider the performance level of your business computer.
Can it handle all your company’s demands, can it handle heavy graphics,
charts, diagrams, spreadsheets, etc. Check out the RAM — higher RAM will be
better for graphics and video. It’s generally agreed that you need at least
256MB for Windows XP and Mac OS X. You will only need 128MB for other
operating systems in Windows or Mac.
Most notebooks come with plenty of storage space, 60-80 GIG hard drives
are common. External drives are also available if you need extra
space.
Other tasks may be important to your line of business. For example, if
you need to take notes in the field, i.e. real estate agents, engineers,
doctors or medical personnel — then a slate or a convertible tablet
may be a better choice for your company.
Sturdiness
This is important if you want a notebook for a lot of road work or
business traveling. Your notebook should be sturdy or ruggerized to
be able to take a good pounding. Many notebooks have some novel
sturdiness features such as IBM’s Active Protection System which is
designed to protect the hard drive from falls and spills for those
accident prone notebook users in your company.
Security
Living in today’s world we need safeguards and security measures
in place to protect your company records and files. Not to
mention, to guard against the theft of your notebook computer itself.
Along those same lines your notebook computer should have advanced
security features. Many notebooks such as the IBM/Sonoma ThinkPad
series include an integrated fingerprint scanner for biometric
authentication that uses an Embedded Security Subsystem and Password
Manager.
Image/Style
At first glance this may seem like a superficial buying point, but
not really. In today’s business world, image or style does count and
contribute to your button line. Sad but true! You want a notebook
computer that matches the image of your company.
There is one to fit your needs, you have a whole range of styles
of notebooks to choose from, whether it be conservative black or
blazing race car red. Most businesses are ultra-conservative (nature
of the beast) and should pick a notebook along those conservative lines, other businesses may want to promote a sharper or cooler image
such as in fashion, creative arts, music industry…
Price
Economy or Deluxe. Similar to the style, another major buying
factor is price. You can go from inexpensive notebooks
to luxury models. It all depends on your company’s resources
and the image you want to project.
You can choose from the relatively inexpensive but very capable
DELL notebooks…all the way up to notebook manufacturers like the
UK based Rockdirect notebooks which offers upper end products that
can be custom made to your specs. You can even choose your own color!
Like any company purchase, especially if you’re buying in bulk,
getting a good special volume price may play a role in your choice
of notebook. Always check with these notebook companies for a
group or company order — you may be pleasantly surprised at the
savings.
However, don’t sacrifice performance for a special price, make sure
the notebook computer you’re buying has all the desired qualities:
portability, performance, battery life, connectivity, security and style,
– all the features you want in your company’s notebook computer.
If you consider all these factors, your next business notebook computer
purchase should just be a little bit easier.
There’s no reason why you can’t put this little modern workhorse to work
for your business or company. Used properly, the business laptop can
make for a well organized and cohesive work force that will pay big
dividends down the road, delivering a great return on your initial
investment.
Motorcycle Intercoms – How to Choose the Best Motorcycle Intercom For You
Without a motorcycle intercom, motorcycle riding is a solitary experience. When you’re riding alone it’s a good way to clear your head or get your thoughts together. But if you’ve got a passenger, or you’re riding with another biker, inevitably you’ll want to talk to them. Motorcycle intercom systems that mount in your helmet let you do that.
The problem is that there are so many to choose from in such a wide price range. It’s hard to decide which one to choose. And given that motorcycle intercoms have to work in an extremely difficult environment, choosing the right one can make the difference between enjoying your new purchase or hating it. This motorcycle intercom review will hopefully make your decision easier.
Let’s start with a broad overview of the types of motorcycle intercoms available.
Acoustic Motorcycle Intercom
The most basic form of motorcycle intercom is the acoustic intercom. By acoustic I mean that it doesn’t use electronics at all. It just uses hollow tubes that your voice travels through. They’re like the old ships where the captain yells down a tube to the engine room to tell them to “give it more steam.”
These systems have rubber-tipped tubes that insert in your ear the same way an earplug would. There is also a mouthpiece tube for you to talk into and all the tubes connect into a junction box.
One of the positives is that there are no batteries or electronics to mess with. That makes them very dependable. However, there is no amplification which means there is no way to adjust the volume or filter out wind noise. So at higher speeds, it will be more difficult to hear. Another problem is that some people find the “earplugs” uncomfortable in their ears for long periods.
Obviously these acoustic intercoms only work for rider-to-passenger and not bike-to-bike.
Wired Motorcycle Intercom
The next step up is wired intercoms. These systems have wires that run from the rider and passenger into a central control box that houses the electronics and battery.
Just like the acoustic intercom, with a wired system you don’t have to worry about any external interference like you do with wireless technologies, unless you add a radio handheld communicator for bike-to-bike talking to your system. Some wired units let you plug in an FRS/GMRS radio, which is described in the wireless technology section below. The radio requires voice activation for it to work.
One of the issues some people have is that the wiring can be a little bit of a pain. Every time you and a passenger get on and off the bike you have to remember to unplug the units. Depending on how you have it set up, this could be two or three plugs.
Wireless Intercom Technology
There are four types of radio technologies used in the U.S. for motorcycle intercoms. They are GMRS, FRS, FM, and Bluetooth. There are also wired intercoms that enable you to plug into a handheld Citizens Band (CB) radio that has voice activation.
Frequency Modulation (FM) radio is similar to the FM radio you listen to, but for motorcycle intercoms a narrower frequency is used. Like FM radio, these systems can produce clear sound, as long as the distance between them isn’t too great. FM radio works best when there are no obstructions such as hills between the transmitter and receiver. If long range is the most important feature, then GMRS intercoms will provide better performance.
The Family Radio Service (FRS) and the General Mobile Radio Service (GMRS) are the modern equivalents to the old walkie talkies you may have had when you were a kid. FRS radios typically have a maximum range of two miles with few obstructions in between, while GRMS radios communicate up to several miles. Like FM, these are public frequencies so other people can hear your conversations and vice versa. In some heavily populated areas these FRS/GRMS radios are heavily used, while out on the open road you should have fairly private conversations.
One nice thing with the FRS and GMRS radios is that you can go to your local discount store and purchase a cheap handheld radio that will communicate with these units. If someone were following you in a car, or they had a wired motorcycle intercom system that lets them plug in an FRS/GMRS handheld radio, they can communicate with you. The downside of this was just mentioned in that there are millions of these radios out there so in heavily populated areas you’ll pick up lots of other transmissions. Also GMRS radios require an FCC license for legal use.
Bluetooth is the latest technology to hit motorcycle intercoms. Not only can these systems communicate totally wirelessly from rider to passenger, they can be used to communicate from bike to bike. Although with these systems the range is not in miles, it is in hundreds of feet. Since you are likely riding close to your buddies, this is not usually a problem. Although, range can be as much as 800 to 1600 feet.
The Bluetooth range limitation actually works as an advantage since it limits the amount of outside interference you’ll get. Also, since you must program two units to work together, you won’t pick up conversations from other people with Bluetooth devices…and they won’t be able to hear you. You won’t have to worry about your conversations listened to by anyone else.
If you want Bluetooth wireless communication there is one thing to watch for. Some units that say they are Bluetooth use FRS or GMRS to communicate bike-to-bike and the Bluetooth is just used to communicate with a Bluetooth enabled cell phone or other device.
Bluetooth intercoms also usually have some other features you won’t find on other types of intercoms such as:
Integrate with Bluetooth enabled cell phones and automatically answer calls totally hands free.
Enjoy your favorite stereo music from your A2DP enabled cell phone or MP3 player
Listen to the audio navigation message from your Bluetooth enabled GPS.
Some Bluetooth intercoms only have one ear speaker while others have two.
Motorcycle Helmet Intercom Features
Here are features to look for as you are shopping for an intercom to use with your motorcycle helmet:
If you may be riding in the rain, get a system that says it’s waterproof and not just water resistant. Some riders will put a water resistant system in a plastic baggie and that works for them.
You can get systems that have a headset speaker for one ear or both ears. Installation and moving the intercom to another helmet is easier for systems with only one ear, but some people want to hear sound in both ears.
Most systems have voice activation of some kind to keep the headset quiet when no talking is occurring. This voice activation often has the ability to be disabled and a push-to-talk switch used instead.
Many intercoms have noise reduction capabilities with digital signal processing to help reduce the noise they pick up from the microphone. The faster you drive, or the windier it is, the more important this feature is.
If you want music, look for a system that has a built-in FM stereo radio tuner or an auxiliary stereo input for a Walkman, MP3, iPod, or satellite radio unit. You can also use this input to receive driving directions from a voice prompted GPS unit.
Some systems mount on your helmet, while others have capability to mount on your belt clip or bike. If the system is big and bulky, you may want the ability to mount it on your bike.
You can integrate some intercoms with cell phones so you can talk while you ride. They require special cables or you can get motorcycle intercoms that have Bluetooth capability so they connect to your Bluetooth-enabled phone wirelessly.
Once you find the right motorcycle intercom for you, it will really make your ride with other people much more enjoyable. You’ll wonder how you got along without it. You typically get what you pay for when you buy motorcycle intercoms, but even a bad motorcycle intercom is better than none at all.
Proverbs For Kids
Stories are loved by children. Bed times or long drives are the best way to bond with your child. To keep a child interested, proverbial stories work wonders. It can actually be put to use while relating to routine doings in life. Proverbs and idioms can be done to gently make the child understand about right and wrong. Deep meanings are difficult for kids to comprehend and proverbs simplify the same. Important needs like caring, sharing and valuing money can be put through with proverbs.
‘Actions speak louder than words’ is the best way to discipline a child. Most times when children get into tantrums, a parent shouts in an equal volume or spanks the child. This can be alternated with a stern look or simply not speaking to the child. Finally repeating the proverb will make the child understand the meaning and most often kids do not repeat such aggressive behaviour. ‘Beauty is skin deep’ is another proverb which is beneficial. Older kids are very passionate about fashion trends. In the joy to explore, they disregard the value of money and natural living. This proverb can be mentioned to explain that there are many qualities that make a person beautiful and that seem higher than the physical attributes.
Children often get lazy. It takes patience to teach the child to put back the books or toys. More endurance is required to teach them to button their shirts or tie their shoe laces. One could fabricate more story in the proverb ‘Grapes are sour’ and explain how it is important to be independent and striving is essential to attain a goal. Additionally, ‘no gains without pains’ is the best way to teach the child to be self-regulating. The result is that they are habituated in putting a finished tray in the sink or wiping the hands after a wash.
Biblical proverbs are excellent. ‘It is better to give, than receive.’ The words of Jesus Christ are the best way to teach the child to share at the dinner table or when friends come over to play. A child loves to receive and we too, try hard to give the best to our children. The next time, the child has a chocolate bar, make it a point to teach the child to share a piece with its older sibling or a friend. Little thoughts have deep values. ‘The early bird catches the worm’, this proverb has much meaning in the later phases of life. Habits of getting up early in morning, timeliness in watching cartoon or doing the homework is about discipline. A child who has value for time is stress free, as being organized becomes his second nature.
How Do I Get Music From My iPod Onto My Computer? Get Songs Off Your iPod!
Many people have dedicated a large part of their lives to their iPod, movies, songs, playlists, pictures etc… And sometimes you may need to get some data off our iPod and put it on the computer, unfortunately apple hasn’t provided any utilities to do this so many people are left wondering, How Do I Get Music From My iPod Onto My Computer? So for anyone who needs to transfer music or videos from iPod to computer continue reading below to learn how…
Now it is virtually impossible to transfer music or videos from your iPod to the computer by simply using iTunes, the reason being is that Apple is very strict and doesn’t want to breach any copyright laws. Hence they only allow one way synchronization of iPod files and you cannot get any data off the iPod back onto the computer.
If you need to get songs, videos or pictures off your iPod and want to put them on a PC or another iPod then you are going to need some proper third party software. Software designers have realized that many people wish to backup their data or simply put some songs on their hard drive so they have come up with very easy to use programs that can easily transfer music from iPod to computer. They work just like iTunes and most of them are free to download…
Personally I use a program called Cucusoft iPod to computer transfer, it is free to download and very easy to use, you will get the hang of it in a few minutes. However the point is that it allows you to transfer music or videos from your iPod onto the computer and you can go about transferring files between iPods and PC‘s freely.
So if you were wondering How Do I Get Music From My iPod Onto My Computer and trying to get songs off your iPod then do yourself a favor and grab the proper tools. All you need is a proper iPod to computer transfer program and you’re all set.
The Seduction of a Married Man
What is it about a married man that is so irresistible?
It must be something because so many women fall for it. Just this week I encountered two women who have slipped into the trap of fatal attraction for a married man. It is dangerous territory and I do not recommend that anyone go there. I speak from experience having invested part of my life in a relationship with a married man. Iam not writing about this subject to lecture or be judgmental or even to speak from my soapbox about what I know that you don’t. My intention is to expose the underhanded tactics, even if unintentional, of men and the naiveté of women that permits these relationships to flower.
What is it about women that make them susceptible to the charm and attraction of an unavailable man?
The unavailable man is very attractive to women who do not want to be controlled by a man. He can provide sporadic attention, sex, usually at regular intervals, definitely advice even when you don’t ask for it and gifts. You don’t have to live with him,which means no snoring, picking up after him, and usually freedom to comeand go as you please. The disadvantages include limited spontaneity,lack of availability on weekends and holidays and never being his number one priority.
This is not to say that men do not fall for married women. I am
certain that the statistics will support that almost as many single men fall for married women but the dynamic between themis much different than that of the single woman and the married man. Obviously, I have more experience with the married man syndrome.
Women in general are used to getting seconds.
What I mean by that is that women choose to settle for less than
what they want. Okay, I expect outrage from most of you who are
reading this but hear me out, please. In this country, men have the power. Look around you, how many women president’s do we have? How many in the Senate, Congress, CEO’s of Fortune 500 companies? How many women make as much money as men do? Consider teaching and nursing, two professions primarily occupied by women, what percentage of men are in the profession and what percentage ofthose are in charge? How many men choose to stay home with thchildren while their wives work and support the family? You get the idea. Granted there are many more women in positions of authority, in medicine, the law, entrepreneurs,real estate, finance, business than ever before, but if you are going to be honest with yourself, it’s still a man’s world. This is okay.
We can live with the fact that men run the world, because women run relationships.
Women, you really are in charge of relationship even if you don’t know it. You just need to raise the bar a little on what youexpect from your relationship. What I mean by women being used to settling is they don’t ask. Let me give you an example. A woman friend of mine works for a big company; she uses her own computer and pays for her own Internet access even though the majority of her computer usage is for her work activities. She has asked the men who run the company to be reimbursed for the cost of her computer andInternet access and has been denied. Her first inclination was to accept this, until she realized: How many men who use a computer in their job, use their own computer let alone pay for their Internet access? Men expect to be provided with the tools that they need to do their job, women provide their own tools and accept it when they are denied reimbursement. Where does this willingness to be used originate? I think that it originated when women first began to invade the workplace. Women weren’t greeted with open arms when they first arrived in the workplace. In order to be accepted, they worked twice as hard, longer hours, tolerated abuse in many ways that a man never would and were eager to please, seeking approval and acceptance by over responding. (Actually, women were welcomed in the workplace during World War II but only because men weren’t available. When the men returned, the women were expected to go back home where they belonged.)
Much of women’s acceptance of second-class treatment is their own fault, because they don’t even ask for it to be different.
Okay, I am a little off the subject of married men, but let me
follow this through to the connection. Let’s look at a wife. The
majority of wives work these days, they also are the primary
childcare provider, and most of them do most of the housework and laundry and cooking and shopping as well. They are also expected by their husbands to be sexy and ready for a quickie at the drop of his pants. Women do all this because they put these standards on themselves. They still expect that they have to do more and do it better because they are women. So where does a woman cut back? Usually it is in paying attention to her husband’s primary needs. A man needs sex and most married men will tell you that the amount of sex that they get dwindles after marriage and especially after children. In addition, the amount of time that a woman has to devote to the nurturing, acceptance, approval and attention to her husband decreases proportionately with the addition of children, job responsibilities and a bigger house.
So this leads us to the plight of the married man.
Who is the married man? First of all he is a man. Men are results oriented. Men have a lot of testosterone. They aren’t good at deciphering what women want, especially their own wives.The married man used to run his own life. He came and went as he pleased; he watched or played baseball whenever he wanted. He lived his own lifestyle. He could have his woman withhim whenever hewanted and she would pay all of her attention to him. Now he is marriedwith a couple of kids, a mortgage, a job he has because it pays themost, not because he loves it so much and a wife who used to cater to him exclusively who now has to divide her time between him, the kids, the house and usually her job. There was a commercial on TV not too long ago that shows a man thinking about his studly single days and how sexy he was in those days, with a child in a stroller. He is playing with his child and shopping in the grocery store and a woman is talking to her friend who comments he doesn’t even know how much more attractive he is now than he was when he was a stud.
Men are pretty unconscious about what makes them attractive.
According to most women it is not their looks that make them
attractive, it is who they are and how they produce in the world. So this married man goes to work and comes home and goes back to work the next day. At work there is this woman. She is single, attractive, smart, capable, speaks his language andsomeone who has time to pay attention to him. It starts as an innocent flirtation. What goes through his mind is something like “Let’s see if I still have it!” so he starts flirting just to see what happens. Not a surprise, she responds to the flirting by flirting back.
This is the beginning of the affair.
In his mind he is flattered, it is fun, and exciting and just a
little bit naughty. What could be more harmless? I’m married.I’m
safe. I can just have a little fun with this. So it continues.He
thinks he can just experiment a little. Let’s see how charming and creative I can be. Let’s see if I can get this woman to fall for me. In his mind it is not cheating. He hasn’t done anything wrong. In the beginning, he even tells his wife about this woman. He tells her about how smart she is or about some accomplishment, usuallywhat made him notice her in the firstplace. Wives usually miss the first clues. The thought of the effect of his harmless flirtation onthe single woman does not even enter his consciousness. So the harmless flirtation continues. It makes the married man feel good. He is happier at home and everything seems hunky dory. He tells the woman his wife doesn’t understand him, she doesn’t have time for him, or she just is cruel to him and the other woman becomes his confidant and starts to believe that he really has no choice in the matter. He needs her because his wife is so … whatever.
He now has both a wife and family and a woman on the side.
Recognize that this process may take several years and several
different women before anything actually happens in the way of an
affair. After several years of living a separate life from his wife while they live under the same roof, a married man is ready for a real affair. The reality is that an affair will occur whether it is an emotional or physical affair or even a cyber affair. No matter which way it goes, what occurs takes away from the married relationship.
What is true about the woman who gets involved with a married man is that she is looking for attention and affection.
Most likely she is not looking for a married man with whom she is plotting to have an affair. There are a few predatory women out there who do just that but the majority of affairs start out
naively. She is likely to have been previously hurt in a
relationship. She may or may not know that the man is married. What occurs first is she recognizes that he is paying attention to her. He may just listen to her. It may just be a momentary encounter where their eyes meet and a connection is made. They may be working together on a project and either of them may distinguishthemselves in some way. What initially happens is likely to be chemistry. What happens after that varies, however, it usually follows this pattern.
When the woman discovers that he is married, she will make it clear that she doesn’t have relationships with married men.
That is the signal for the man to go into conquest mode.
He will pursue her possibly for years because he enjoys the chase. She will continue to refuse his advances as long as she cantolerate it or until he catches her at a weak and vulnerable moment. If she has a good relationship in her life, chances areshe can outlast him, but if she is single, available or married and unhappy, she will eventually succumb. Why? Because the man is so charming, heis wonderful, he is a knight in shining armor, he is a hero, he is this wonderful dedicated family man who is wonderful with his children and attentive to his wife. So the woman asks herself what is she doing?
She continues to say no and the more she says no, the more
aggressive and charming and attentive he gets. This is the ultimate male challenge, to win over a woman who is saying no even though he knows she really is attracted to him.
A married man will work harder than any available man to make a
woman fall in love with him.
He will be more charming, loving, attentive and wonderful than a
woman can imagine that any man can be. So what happens next is this woman who finally surrenders to her feelings for this man, asks him to leave his wife for her. The response from him will almost inevitably be one of two, but I’m married and I’ll neverleave my wife or yes, I’ll leave my wife, but not yet (she’s not ready,my children are too young, I can’t afford it yet, my mother won’t approve etc.) Initially the woman will respond with anger. “If you love your wife what are you doing with me?” Here is the clincher that finally hooks the woman, he is committed to his wife and the woman buys into his honorable dedication to his wife and thinks if only I could have a man who loves me like that.
It is at this point in their relationship that the woman’s final act of settling may occur.
Either she will end it and go off to nurse her broken heart,
wondering how he could have been so wonderful and such a heel atthe same time, or she will continue the affair and settle forbeing the other woman in his life. Either way the woman is damaged. The man will go back to his wife who was either completely unaware of the romantic drama or who also chooses to settle by living in denial of his infidelity. Then life goes on.
The other woman plays a significant part in the perpetuation of this man’s marriage.
She makes it tolerable for him to remain in an intolerable
situation. She makes it possible for him to remain in a marriage
that doesn’t satisfy him. That marriage situation can range from
boredom to outright contempt, but a man won’t leave his marriage
until his wife has dismissed him, either consciously or
unconsciously. She makes it possible for him to deny that there is anything missing in his relationship with his wife. Therefore, the wife wins, if you can call it winning to stay ina relationship with a cheating man.
The purpose in discussing this at all is to emphasize the fact that women settle and men will cheat because they can. So, women, if you want your man to be faithful, you must pay attention and never settle for less than what you want no matter what the cost.
The essence of marriage is commitment. Why get married if you are not willing to commit to loving someone exclusively? The way that I see it, you don’t have to get married to be together, so why do it if you don’t mean it? I was married for 23 years and was strongly in favor of the concept of a renewable marriage license, similar tohow one renews a driver’s license. The point of that beingthat at least very 3 or 4 years people who were married to each otherwould have to take a look at whether they still wanted to be with their spouse. If people were honest about their feelings, it certainly would take a chunk out of the 50% divorce rate.
On a more serious note, however, I really don’t see any point in
getting married unless you are marrying someone with whom youhave sexual chemistry that you love totally, that you trust implicitly, and that you would rather be with than anyone else who alsofeels the same about you. That feeling of total trust isvery rare and itneeds to be nurtured. It’s also good if you have similar values and goals in life. If and when you find someone that meets all ofthe above standards, you probably couldn’t imagine wanting to bewith anyone else. That spiritual bond can be so strong andso valid that it would be out of the realm of possibility to violate it.
It is impossible to ever have that kind of trust if you enter a
relationship that originated with someone cheating.
So what happens to destroy that original bond? It is the woman’sjob to provide the appetite for pleasure and the direction for therelationship. This does not relieve men of any responsibility for it is their job to surrender to their woman’s power and to produce results for her based on what she requests. So, in a relationship that is working the woman must continue to raise the bar for her man and believe in him. What does that mean? That she wants a bigger house, more expensive car, more children? Not necessarily although thosethings may be part of the picture. What it does mean is that she raises the standards of paying attention even when life is busy. It means that they make time for sex even when they don’t have time. It meansthat each one of them stay vulnerable with each other even whenhe/she has done something that embarrasses them or is wrong.
In my marriage, I did it all wrong. I doubted his production,
thought I could do things better than him and lost my ability to
believe in him. When that happened, he quit producing for me and we spiraled downward into total mistrust of each other and
unwillingness to be vulnerable. I kept settling for less than what I asked for and he kept producing only what I believed he could produce. I just didn’t know any better.
It’s a fragile bond that must be protected and as far as I can see what will protect the bond of love is a woman expressing her
appetite that requests more than the man thinks he can produce and then even more vital is that she approves of him and believes in him until he produces it. The most significant element of maintaining a love relationship that works is that both parties must pay attention to each other and to what is happening in the relationship. Going to doubt or settling for less than what she wants is the beginning of the destruction of the delicate balance of the man/woman relationship. In this model of relationship, men and women are regarded as different entities with different needs. It relies on using the sex act as the metaphor for relationship, symbolizing men as producers and women as receivers.
There are no victims.